Unlock your full potential and live better, as you move from Fear to Freedom.
This is my second post in a series based on my new book: From Fear to Freedom: My Journey. In my first post, I wrote about the fears I faced in my past and the 3-step process I used to overcome my fear. In this post, I want to show readers how fears in our past can hurt our relationships with loved ones. I will provide action steps for understanding the root causes of these relationship problems and mending our broken relationships.
Our Past Affects Our Present Relationships
We don’t realize that our past keeps creeping up on us and affecting our relationships. We get into arguments or feel attacked for reasons that have nothing to do with our loved ones. They have to do with baggage from our past that we are hanging onto and that lead us to misinterpret the actions and motivations of others.
This happened to me when my husband, Nasir, was in his medical residency. Nasir is a very bright man and we have always had a strong commitment to each other, but the requirements of his residency were tough. He was always pre-call, post-call, or waiting to be called. Throughout his residency, he was sleeping if he wasn’t working. He disconnected from me and the kids to cope with it.
For two days, I’d wait for him to come home. When he was back, he went straight to sleep until he went back to work again. This pattern drove me crazy and made me angry. His perspective was, “I don’t even get to sleep.” I’d think, “I waited for two days for you to come home, and now I have to sit at home and watch you sleep?” There was no time for love. I didn’t have a social life or someone to confide in and have fun with.
I felt abandoned and betrayed. My ‘happily ever after’ seemed to have sunk like a wedding cake without the baking soda. I was miserable and made little effort to hide it. The little time we had was spent bickering. I was filled with angry tears and judgment while he was depleted, exhausted, and unable to meet my needs. I’m sure he was as frustrated by my irrational behavior as I was with his. We were shut down and triggered by one another. Neither of us understood why. Our problems grew.
No Matter How Big or Small – Resolve Your PastMy constant judging and fear made it impossible for me to see that responsibility for my happiness lay inside of me. My absentee mother and husband made me overcompensate as a mother, a daughter, and a wife. In general, we duplicate the patterns that were role modeled to us when we were growing up. I took a vow to break that pattern in my family. But, I was conflicted. My inner vision and my outer reality weren’t matching up. That inner conflict took up a lot of energy. Conflict occupied space in my mind and body; it was blocking meaningful prosperity and enjoyable relationships. It was getting in the way of my living a healthy, happy, prosperous, and peaceful life. Finally, I realized it was my choice to be happy regardless of my circumstances.
“Since we create these feelings in our own mind, we can uncreate them in our own mind.”.
I Began to Reinvent Myself
I was committed to finding my own happiness and restoring my close, loving relationship with my husband. But how?
When we are reinventing ourselves, we start looking at different areas of our lives. We look at our key relationships, thoughts, and beliefs. We explore how we judge ourselves and sabotage our own goals by making up stories based on our past. Figuring out where my issues began and who I’d been all my life became my life’s passion.
– What were my daily thought processes?
– What did I say to myself on a daily basis?
These answers were the brush with which I was painting my reality.
The problem was that my inner dialogue about myself was based on fear from past experiences. It affected my relationships deeply. I believed that if my relationships didn’t work, then nothing in my life would. I was determined to pursue happiness in my life, so I started taking responsibility for my own thoughts and actions. Then things started to shift. The intention to change was the first step.
ACTION STEP: Releasing Fear by Taking Accountability
1. Get your notebook and a cup of tea.
2. Write a list of people with whom you would like to improve your relationship.
3. What’s missing from each of those relationships?
4. Where is it possible for you to take responsibility for your part with each one of them?
5. What fears can you identify [Action step in From Fear to Freedom: Chapter 1] that are affecting these relationships?
6. How can you personally be accountable and change so that the relationship will change?
As you let go of layers of fear, you will free up the space for love and freedom.
From Fear to Freedom: My Journey released on June 8th, 2018. Order it today on Amazon.com or go to www.fearfreebook.com.
About the Author
Hena Husain is a mind coach, author and motivational speaker. She specializes in hypnotherapy, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), pain and stress management, core releasing, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Her coaching is grounded in the power of positive thinking and the achievement of success in business, health, and relationship wellness. As one of the most sought-after lecturers, Hena delivers an impassioned message that motivates participants to create positive change and personal growth in their lives. You can find out more about Hena on her website, balanceforlifebiz.com.